Hold Me
by Represent
Summary: Trapped in an unhappy marriage Edward seeks out the one person he could have been content with. Just for one night Edward wants to feel happy, to feel loved. - RoyEd, One-Shot, drabble


**Summary:** Trapped in an unhappy marriage Edward seeks out the one person he could have been content with. Just for one night Edward wants to feel happy.  
**Warning:** Roy x Edward, explicit sex

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**Hold Me**

_Edited: April 27th, 2014_

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Was he turning into his father?

Was he ever meant to find happiness, or his fate doomed to forfeiting it in exchange for everyone else's?

What was it with him and making the wrong decision?

How come his gut instinct always led him astray?

There were only brief moments in his life Edward could say he had been content. Not happy, but content. Holding his daughter in his arms, seeing Alphonse smile for the first time in years, teaching his son how to walk. These were small moments that he could count on his fingers, but the overwhelming amount of the time Edward Elric felt such a resolute wrongness about his life that it felt like a sucking black hole.

Was this how his father had felt?

Had he spurned his father for years when he, himself, had dreams of doing the very same thing?

Was it only now that he understood his father, and would he let his children hate him for walking out?

He was a horrible husband, but he was a good father. He loved his kids, but he hated living in Risembool, with Winry.

It was something that he could never tell anyone. Whenever someone asked how things were with Winry and the kids he always said it was fine. Too proud to admit that they made each other miserable. But there were so many issues that were so deeply seeded in their marriage that there was really no hope of ever truly fixing it. It had been broken the day they had married because it had been built on a foundations of fantasy. The only thing that had kept them afloat had been their daughter, and now their son.

They had been young, Alphonse had just been restored, the world had been saved, and Edward hadn't been thinking - again. Winry was the obvious choice. She was beautiful, and she loved him, and they were _meant_ to be together.

But they really didn't know each other at all. The only time spent together had been for a few days to weeks at a time over a span of five years. Winry knew twelve-year-old Edward Elric, the kid that tried to bring his mother back, who hated milk but loved stew. She had no hope of understanding the enormous complexities of adult Edward. Winry didn't understand Edward's affliction after losing his alchemy. Didn't understand how to handle his almost depression and frustration when he had to do everything by hand. Didn't know what to say to try and make him feel better when he told her softly at night that he hated the feeling of his right arm - how he wished it was gone. Didn't know how to make him feel better when he would clap his hands together idly and the most gut-renching expression of pain would fill his eyes at the lack of alchemic energy.

She had thought that marrying Edward would be full of adventure. Edward Elric, alchemical genius and savior of the world. It would be like marrying a celebrity. Everything would be more interesting, because they were young and in love. She had loved him all her life, how could it not be wonderful? Not knowing that without Edward's military pension they would be splitting pennies to pay for food. Not realizing that Edward would rather read books than have sex with her. Not understanding that her inability to talk about complex theories and philosophy with him would frustrate him into a state of isolation.

There were constant states of ire between them. The lack of money. The way Winry felt belittled by him, while Edward felt alone in his intelligence. The lack of sex and romance. The fight they routinely had that Edward _just didn't care anymore_. The fact that that argument usually ended with Edward saying nothing to deny it and Winry slapping or hitting him for not trying to at least pretend for her sake if not for the kids.

The way that Edward wouldn't _say_ anything about how she cut her hair that morning or the new dress she bought that showed enough cleavage that any man in his right mind would think she was a hooker. The way that he would gently pull her away from him and place her to his side in bed when she was trying to get him hard and mumble that he was tired and turn over.

Edward felt infinitely older than he really was. They wanted to make it work. They would talk in hushed whispers that they _had_ to make it work - for the kids, but when Charlotte and Lukas were at school Edward felt his eyes drawn to the kitchen knives and would fantasize.

He often wondered what would have happened if he hadn't married her. If he had gone to Xing with Alphonse, or if he had moved to Central and stayed in the military. Would he be happier? There was no doubt in his mind that he would have been. That he could have been.

There were moments where the vague thought of leaving Winry passed through his head, oftentimes after letting her hit him with a wrench or her fist and seeing her burst into tears and scream at him before slamming the bedroom door shut. When he would lay on the couch the desire often drifted through him. But, then Charlie would suddenly be there, her blonde head pressed against his arm until he shifted to let her lay next to him and everything was suddenly alright again.

She would blink hazel eyes and say: _Why's Daddy's sleeping on the couch again?_

And Edward would wonder why he ever allowed himself to think of running away from them. No matter how much he wanted to Winry gone some nights, Winry was still their mother. And he had done a lot of fucked up things in his life, he had made a lot of mistakes, but Charlie was about the most perfect thing he had ever created.

Charlotte was born from the honeymoon, back when they were still happy and understanding of each other's differences. When they would tell each other they'd be this happy forever and that they accepted each other for who they were. It was only months afterwards that Winry was trying to change him, pregnant and permanently angry. Charlotte hadn't been planned. They were such a young couple, they hadn't planned on having kids for a few years. It was probably Charlie that had caused the fake facade of post-marital bliss to crack and shatter.

They had both agreed not to have another child after Charlotte. Lukas was the big accident, two years later. Edward only found out later that Winry had gotten pregnant on purpose, thinking they would be closer because of it, thinking it would drag them back together.

They just weren't right for each other. Opposites did not attract in this instance. Winry found out she really didn't like Edward as a husband, and Edward realized that he hated married life altogether. Somedays they would absolutely hate each other. Winry would spit and hiss and _scream_ at him and Edward would bow his head and turn a page in his book - startlingly calm in the face of such rage. He would then quirk his head maddeningly and smirk at her and ask her quietly: _I'm sorry you're so disappointed, but who did you think you were marrying?_

And Winry would throw something at him or hit him, not having a good response besides violence. Not getting an apology from him, not getting what she wanted to hear, ever.

It was only a day ago that Edward had had enough, unable to live in the house any longer without the feeling of going mad he had announced that he was leaving for Central. Using the excuse of a research meeting, instead planning to just spend some time away from the woman. Winry hadn't cared, she just had tossed him a look and asked blankly: _Are you coming back?_

And it was in that moment that Edward realized she actually _wanted_ him to leave, and he felt, with a sickening realization that he didn't want to be his father.

_Yes, I'm coming back._

_You going to sleep with a whore?_ Winry cut, slicing him open.

_Of course not._ He told her blandly, knowing what she was thinking, practically able to see the accusation in her eyes. _If you don't want to have sex with me anymore than who are you fucking without me knowing?_ The sex with her just didn't do it for him, he felt exhausted all the time, never felt like it was worth it to even think about sex. All his ambition and drive was gone, leaving him empty and without any real direction.

And so, on the train back to Central, Edward realized he didn't really have a plan except to get away. And when he arrived at the station and looked around, remembering the last time he had been here, remembering almost five years ago when he had left, he realized he didn't have a place to stay or a place to go.

Which was what led him to sitting in this phone booth, forehead pressed against the window.

It was raining outside and the drops were falling lazily down the pane. He thought of Charlotte and Lukas, who were probably getting tucked into their beds right now, wondering why their father wasn't home. He thought of Winry who was probably so much happier to not have to deal with him tonight. He thought of Alphonse who only got news from him through letter, who he hadn't seen since Charlie's birth - who thought that everything was fine, who he never had the heart to ever tell the truth.

He thought of Izumi, strangely enough, wondering if - had she been alive - if she would have had some kind of advice for him. He had no doubt she would. She had always seemed to know what was wrong without him having to explain.

He thought of the last five years, and dreaded the thought of the next ten with Winry. Which brought him to an unbearable heavy feeling in his chest, because, for the first time in his life he truly didn't know what to do.

And then, he picked up the phone with sudden inspiration and he called the only person he knew in the city that he even wanted to look at right now. That insufferable self-important prick that he had always had something for. The man that had been the only person besides his brother and Izumi that could hold a decent conversation with him. The only person that had ever made Edward feel more alive around, because he was probably the only person besides his brother and Izumi that could actually kick his ass. He also happened to be the new Fuhrer, and Edward wondered vaguely if the old phone line he had would even connect as it rang dully over and over again, tinny along with the sound of pattering rain.

x

Roy Mustang had been spending his Friday night off nursing a drink in his living room, papers spread out like eagles around his desk. His glasses were perched on his nose and his eyes were already half closed, exhausted. Life wasn't bad or good or horrible. Life was just... life. Surprisingly boring and dull without the constant threat of death or destruction or blonds running about and asking for grants or leads. To put it quite simply, live was boring without the Elric brothers, something that many had intrinsically known, but never really thought about until they both were gone off into the sun set and their happily ever afters. Not that he didn't have his happily ever after. He had achieved his goal, he just hadn't realized all of what that entailed. It wasn't easy to just pass new laws left and right, and becoming Fuhrer definitely came with its setbacks. Paperwork for one, speeches and constant traveling for another.

He sighed.

Roy had never thought, not in a million years, that he would actually miss someone coming in and telling him that the Fullmetal Alchemist had blown up an entire settlement on the border. Again. After pushing paperwork and talking politics for a few years he started to realize that he no longer had someone that he could talk to without feeling political scrutiny, besides Riza who was busy planning her baby shower with Havoc. He had told himself that he was over Edward Elric but it would be a lie. He missed their constant bickering and their arguing. But more than that, he missed the few lunch dates that they would have discussing alchemical formulas or religion.

It had come as quite shock, Roy had to admit, when he had come to realize that one of his most serious relationships to date had been with Edward, a very volatile and very unacceptably young state Alchemist.

This shock had then been followed by denial before he had realized the true extent of what starting something with Edward could be. Not only was it completely inappropriate, but it would completely jeopardize his whole entire career, which had been something that he had been quite concerned about at the time, now not as much. He was simply bored. A relationship with Edward had been scary, frightening, because the older Elric was anything but stable and reliable. He was reckless, dangerous, passionate and an intellectual equal.

He had pulled away. He had realized exactly where they had been heading, seeing the dark looks in Edward's eyes as he passed him in the hallways and the way his chin would tilt tantilizingly forward in invitation when they were yelling at each other over an oak desk and Roy had chickened. To have the full weight and intensity of Edward's scrutiny and attention had been far dangerous- what he had been feeling for the other had been extremely inappropriate. It was only after he was nicely buzzed, completely bored and unsatisfied with his job, and needing of personal attention that his thoughts drifted to Ed. And if he was being completely and utterly true to himself, he would say that he wanted the blond to at least pay a fucking visit every once in a while. Just to make sure that the world he had helped to create and protect wasn't falling to pieces.

The brat had just flicked him a look and told him that he trusted him to keep the country in working order, hurt. And had left.

Although, it might be considered a bit of a sore point that someone close to half his age had gotten married long before he had. Wasn't the gossip mill at the office talking about _that_ for weeks.

However, if there was one thing Roy was, it was that he was honest (now anyways), and he _honestly_ did think that Edward Elric had probably made one of the biggest mistakes in his entire life, leaving the military notwithstanding. Getting married was something Roy himself knew he would never be happy in and had understood that there were a scarce few women who could keep up and understand being someone's second love. And those that did understand that they would never hold a candle to the power and sway that alchemy held often times fell prey to long cold nights and the promise of the warm bed of a stranger.

The scotch burned as he took a drink of it, throwing his head back. The room was clean. Stark almost. And there was a decided lack of a woman's touch. There was no time for courting women, and no way that he could hire a prostitute without the press hearing about it. Hence he was lonely on a Friday night with nothing but alcohol, paperwork, and his imagination. He leaned his head back against the couch, closing his eyes for a long moment, and taking his glasses off. It was only when the phone rang that he realized he had been sleeping.

Frowning, he picked it up.

"Mustang."

"Hey. It's Ed."

"Ed?" Roy repeated hazily, confused, before realizing exactly who was on the other end. For a moment he was struck that maybe he was still sleeping. Edward had made no effort to call him since he had left and it hardly sounded like Ed's voice. It was far too tired and deep. He paused for a long moment, unsure of what to say, taken aback and temporarily dismantled by this startling twist of events.

"I know this is probably really unexpected, but I'm in town for a few days and I was just wondering if you wanted to maybe get a few drinks?"

Roy blinked. He hadn't heard Edward in close to five years.

"Of course," Roy stated gruffly. "Where?"

Edward paused.

"Are you already drunk?" He asked softly, almost slyly.

"No, I'm not drunk," Roy stated trying to work the shock out of his voice. This whole conversation felt _unreal_.

"How about I meet you at the Red Lion in ten minutes?"

He frowned, rubbing his fingers over his upper lip. The feeling of whiskers there always came as a shock. What had started out as a bet between Havoc and himself had turned into a permanent fixture on the man's upper lip. "Yeah, that works."

x

Edward paused for maybe a minute inside the booth, staring at the rain falling outside and twisting his wedding band around his finger over and over, wondering, not for the first time what he was going to do, wondering what he was doing to begin with. Wondering why he had done what he did. But it didn't matter, he had come here to try and relieve some stress, he hadn't come here to sit in a pay booth in the middle of downtown and brood over his marriage. Even, if that was probably what was going to end up happening.

Edward dreaded getting drunk almost as much as he was happy to forget. Alcohol had never brought out the best in him, only made his thoughts darker. But it didn't matter. He didn't know of anywhere else that would be open this late that he could meet Roy at and he didn't want to start looking for a hotel to stay at right now. For some reason he knew he _had_ to call the other as soon as he stepped foot off the train. Probably because they had been able to talk about anything before, maybe because Roy was the only good friend Edward felt he had left. His sole confidant, despite the fact that they hadn't talked in years. Even from the brief conversation Edward could tell that nothing had changed between them and that scared him a little.

Not that Edward would ever tell the bastard that. Asshole already had a big enough head as it was.

It was still pouring outside and by the time Edward pushed open the door to the small pub he was almost soaked. His hair was falling limply out of its ponytail and hung across his forehead and face, dripping a bit. His jacket was soaked through, but, as he slung it off, his white undershirt was still dry. As he pushed his way inside he took a long moment to try and see if Roy was already there, not sure what to look for. He hadn't seen him in forever. His heart was thrumming in his chest and he knew deep down that despite trying to tell himself this was just a drink between friends, deep inside somehow he was cheating. He had already started cheating the moment he had called Roy. The moment he had spoke the first word to the other, and that was frightening.

He spotted the other finally, seeing a man in a dark rain jacket. _What am I doing?_ Edward wondered vaguely as he walked forward, flicking his hair off of his face a bit where it was dripping before taking the barstool next to the man.

Roy was slumped forward and nursing the glass of whiskey in his hands. The ice had already started to melt, turning the dark amber liquid into a light butterscotch. As Edward sat down he could practically feel the other's eyes taking in his form with a small secretive smile before he finished off the drink.

Edward raked the other up and down, seeing the way that Roy had placed a strategic hood over his face to hide his appearance.

"Oh, I forgot." Edward stated softly, "That you're famous now." It wasn't teasing, Edward had honestly not thought about the fact that Roy was the most powerful person in the country and that simply going to a bar downtown at night was no longer easy for him to do without detection. He felt a little sheepish, his tone apologetic.

"We can go somewhere else if you want." He offered, ordering softly to the bartender and pulling his rum closer as he took in the other's face, noting with a small sort of amusement and disgust the mustache.

Roy shrugged his shoulders.

"I like this place," He stated, glancing at the barstool and looking at how he had filled out. How Edward was as tall as, if not a few inches taller than Roy. How he had the strong back of a man or how he his hands were large and calloused from labor. And more than that, he noticed the ring, the gold band that shimmered across his left finger. "It reminds me of the good ol' days."

Edward nodded slightly, trying to heroically be unaffected by how Roy was looking him up and down. He shoved his wet hair out of his face and over one shoulder, giving up on the ponytail for the moment. His eyes shone with exhaustion and something else as he peered at the other. Roy hadn't really aged. Maybe there were a few lines on his face that weren't there before, and perhaps a gray hair underneath that hat, but other than that he looked the same.

Except for that horrible mustache. Edward smiled wryly at the other, taking a sip of his drink.

"Yeah." He agreed, "Feels like forever since I've been here."

It had been forever, Edward thought. Five years.

"It has been," Roy stated, mirroring the blonds thoughts. "The last time you were here..." He trailed off. The last time they had been in this bar together Edward had been resigning his post. Roy gave a small sigh, gently taking Edward's drink and handing him his own. "You need something stronger than that to catch up." He stated with a wry grin.

He stared forward.

"So how is the wife and kids?" He tried.

Edward frowned as he watched the other. He wasn't a fan of whiskey at all and he sighed with an almost sad pout at the sight of his beloved rum getting downed so fast. However, he took a quick shot of the whiskey and winced a bit but otherwise kept a straight face against the burning.

"Oh, _that_ question." Edward smiled wryly, "They're fine."

"Liar," Roy stated, ruefully.

He found himself spitting out the normal answer, not entirely telling the truth. Hadn't he come here to talk to Roy about his marriage? To try and seek some sort of advice? It was only now that Edward realized he had been lying to himself all along. He wanted nothing to do with trying to sort out his problems. He hadn't grown up at all. He still wanted Roy. He wanted his attention on him, and he wanted a night where he didn't have to sleep on the couch. And that made him a horrible person. He wasn't drunk enough yet to truly delve into his problems. He didn't really come here tonight to tell Roy the truth. He just came for some sort of company, someone that he _wanted_ to be around that was older than four and a half years old.

"How's being Fuhrer?" Edward tossed back, taking another big swig, "Everything you expected it to be?"

Roy gave a morose grin.

"Truthfully? And I have been trying to be truthful with most people," He waved his hand to the side, ordering another whiskey to match Edward's. "Truthfully it's quite... _boring_"

"Honesty?" Edward raised an eyebrow, "That's a first for you. I don't think I've ever heard of a politician's tactic being honesty. How _innovative_."

He took another swig, finishing off the glass and ordering a rum instead.

"Is that mustache a part of this new political scheme of yours?" Edward asked lightly, quirked smile on his face as he regarded the other fondly.

Roy gave a small glare.

"It makes me look older," He stated, ignoring how easy it was to fall back into their usual playful banter. Because while he may have been in his mid thirties, he still was in his thirties, an age unheard of to be ruling a country. He eyed Edward's rum. "Still don't like the hard stuff, eh?"

Edward gave a shrug.

"Never was a fan of whiskey." He stated simply as he sipped his rum happily along, feeling a good buzz start in the back of his head. He sighed, sobering up briefly as he thought about what the other could have possibly been doing for the five years he had been gone.

"How's Riza?" He asked after a moment, assuming that they were together.

Roy gave a look, his eyes rolled and he leaned forward, taking another sip of his whiskey.

"She's doing fine, I guess. Pregnant," He shuddered and downed the alcohol, feeling the color flush his cheeks.

"When's she due?" Edward asked, automatically assuming that Roy was the father. The way that Riza had always looked at Roy was so obvious it was practically a matter of time before she made her move on the man. Edward felt a tinge of regret in his chest, not sure what that was about, not sure why he felt as if he had missed out on a chance when he himself had gone off and married first. He hadn't missed a chance, god dammit, he had tried act on his feelings and the bastard had pushed him away. Literally. Had grabbed him by the shirt and shoved him.

"Three weeks," Roy stated, looking down at the drink. "She's a mess in the office. I finally had to make her take off time. She's retired from the military, you know. Works as a _secretary_ now," he spat it out like poison. He glared at the table before him. "Everyone seems to be abandoning ship now that I'm on top." A snort.

Edward raised an eyebrow, knowing he was included in that little rant.

"They got you to the top, Roy." Edward mumbled, "What else do you expect? Times change. People move off to do different things." He immediately thought of Al, feeling depressed as he calculated just how far Alphonse was from him right now. Al off doing his own thing as a bachelor in Xing, it was a life that Edward had tried to convince himself he didn't need anymore. He finished his drink, dimly realizing that was his fourth glass.

"This is not going to end up pretty for me." He said, more to himself, when he realized how much he had just drank, "So you and Riza.." He trailed off, "Congratulations."

Roy's eyes widened and he choked a bit on the drink he had been taking a sip on, wiping off his lips with the back of his hand.

"God, me and..." He coughed again. "Fuck no." He shook his head as if the very idea appalled him. He looked at Edward then. "She got married to Havoc about three years ago." He snorted. "I don't know if you've noticed this, Edward, but I am not exactly the marrying type."

Edward couldn't help but feel relieved. Why should he care if Roy was single? Edward himself was off limits in all rules of society. The ring on his hand felt heavy as he took another deep swig of the drink, ignoring that he was already past tipsy at this point.

Edward laughed a bit and grinned.

"Me either." He stated, leaving Roy to interpret that as he rolled the glass around on the counter.

"Yeah, then why are you?" Roy shot, sharp and direct enough to make Edward flinch. It was the crux of the matter. What it really came down to. If Edward wasn't the marrying type, why the hell had he gone off and committed the deed?

The amusement faded from Edward's face and it turned thoughtful instead. A depressive haze descended around him, almost like a switch was flicked at the reminder that he was married to Winry. His emotions were much more easy to read, like a billboard, a few drinks under and Edward was an open book. Roy peered at the other, saying nothing, not saying anything until the other talked first. Five years and Edward was a changed man, he wasn't sure what exactly to say around the other on touchy subjects such as this.

Edward finally gave an uncaring shrug.

"I don't remember." He replied.

Roy gave a soft hum.

"I'm sorry," Roy stated. "For what my apology is worth." He raise his glass in a toast. "To marriage."

Why had he married her? He had just been young and stupid and had saved the world. Alphonse was leaving him for Xing, everyone was moving on their separate ways, it was almost as if it was _written _that he and Winry were meant to end up together in the end and he had just... fallen into it, assuming it had been what was supposed to be. He loved her, in his own way.

Roy stared forward at the other, taking the blond in. He had been unsure of what to expect when he saw Edward again, not sure if whatever had been between them would have been lost, finding that it hadn't. He knew that Edward had perhaps started this with the intention of just talking, but they both knew that that wasn't really what they both had in mind. Edward was married. And while sleeping with someone that was married hadn't really been a huge moral problem for him before, this was Edward and not some random man - or woman - that he was fantasizing about at the moment. Edward had been the one he let get away - someone he could have been happy with.

"I always did wonder what you were doing," He stated, softly. "Us alchemist, we aren't the marrying type..." he trailed off, more to himself. "Because there will always be that first love, you know..." The part of '_even if you can't use it anymore'_ was still there.

Alchemy was always a part of you, even if you couldn't access it. Even if you were blind. Even if you didn't have an arm. Alchemy would forever be a part of who you were if you were an alchemist.

"I'm not an alchemist." Edward corrected after a moment, "Not anymore." It was said under his breath, almost a hushed reminder to himself. It was such a drastic change that he had gone through. Alchemy had been in every essence of who he had been. Everything he had done was with alchemy in mind. Without it, he felt lost. He felt empty, ripped open and vulnerable, drifting, and had grabbed onto Winry in almost fear of being alone without it.

Roy was right, alchemy was an addiction, a lover.

Edward was pale, and he pushed his hair out of his face where the wet strands had fallen, dark thoughts scattered across his brow as he thought in silent contemplation for a long moment, finishing the drink.

"I'm fine." He lied, answering Roy's unasked question, reading it in Roy's intense dark gaze, in his silent scrutiny.

"No," Roy shook his head, voice melancholy and almost tired, airy. "No you're not."

He glanced at the clock before placing a few bills down on the counter.

"If there is anything that I know and admire about you, Edward," he continued, "It is you ability to adapt and flow."

A large hand, square and with new, different sorts of callouses was placed on the back of Edward's, squeezing gently. "And you don't ever stop being an alchemist. Even when you can't feel your alchemy, even when you think it's gone. You will always think like one. You will always know the secrets of being one. And what's an alchemist but an explorer? Your practical application days may be over, but you will always be an alchemist."

Edward was silent as he let the other hold his hand, feeling a shiver make its way down his body. He was unsure if it was from the lingering cold of the rain, or from Roy himself. He had a clue which it was.

Roy's hand released, and he let out a small sigh.

"You need a place to stay and sober up?"

The question was loaded. They both looked at each other for a long moment, leaning towards each other. They had been getting progressively closer and closer over the last hour until their foreheads were almost touching. It was unbearable. Edward hated the other for having this kind of leverage on him. He thought of Winry, of his kids, of his marriage, of his morals. He felt his heart seize and pound because truthfully this was the person he was meant to be with. Right here. And even if he fucked up the opportunity to try a meaningful relationship with Mustang, he wasn't drunk enough to understand the preposition that was laden in the other's voice. Was it so selfish of him to want one moment of actual rightness? Yes- yes it was, but Edward was starting to get to the point where right and wrong really didn't matter to him anymore. And that was scary, and exciting.

"Alright." He stated after a moment, turning and looking up at him before they moved to vacate the small pub. His golden eyes looked the other up and down, shamelessly taking the other's form in. He licked his dry lips after a moment before moving outside into the rain again, seeing the car pull up for Mustang, and only pausing and spending one millisecond to think of his wife before he followed Roy into the car.

Roy settled in the back seat, turning to look at Ed.

"You know, I have only really had one meaningful relationship within the last decade?"

"With who?" Edward asked, turning his gaze away from the rain outside and appreciatively at the man sitting before him.

Roy swallowed at the look Edward was giving him. He knew that this was dangerous territory. Edward was addicting. Edward was also married. He had to keep reminding himself of this, unsure if Edward was completely okay with what was going on. Unsure if he was okay with it. But they were like magnetic forces, once put together in the same room it was hard to pull apart. It had been unbearable to push Edward away, it was even harder to deny what Edward was asking for now - now that he had waltzed back in here after five years all grown up and astonishingly beautiful.

"You." He answered, a defeated noise.

Edward smiled, leaning closer until his face was inches from the other's.

"Me?" He repeated, noting with satisfaction the way that Roy's form shivered when he spoke the word.

"You're drunk." Roy noted.

"So are you." Edward pulled back a bit in his seat, his eyes trailing over the other before returning his attention to the street. It was probably a bad idea to get in this car in retrospect, the amount of sexual tension in the air was almost tangible. Edward was just asking for trouble.

Roy gave a snort.

"Less so than you, Edward," he looked at the blond's stocky legs, to his arms, his strong arms crossed over his chest. Half his mind was telling him that he needed to stop checking Edward out. That Edward was married and off limits. While the other half was trying to tell him that obviously the marriage wasn't going well if Edward was here with him.

Edward merely shook his head. Truth was he wasn't drunk enough to use it as an excuse for how he was acting, for how badly he wanted Roy to comfort him right now. He didn't need anyone telling him how much of a screw up he was, he wanted a moment, just a moment, of some _fucking human compassion_.

They tiptoed around each other once they got to Roy's house. New, and old, the house was designated for the Fuhrer. A mansion almost. Edward had been distracted by it for maybe a minute before he had turned to the other.

"Hold me." He intoned softly. Probably the only time he would ever admit any kind of weakness in front of the man. Not asking for sex, asking for a pair of arms. Although generally holding lead to kissing which led to sex.

Roy gave a tiny head shake.

"That's not a good idea."

Edward peered at the other, desire hooded in his darkening eyes as he took in the other's form appreciatevly in the darkness, his wife furthest from his mind at the moment. He wondered if he would ever feel guilt over even thinking about Roy's breath in his hair or his hands around his waist. He didn't think he could bring himself to feel bad about wanting the man.

He imagined what it would have been like, to come home to this every night. Not for the first time knowing he had made a terrible mistake in marrying the girl.

"Why did you take me to your house?" Edward asked huskily, because the intent had been there back at the bar. They both clearly had thought about it, wanted it, Roy had even taken him home instead of tossing him out at some hotel.

"I thought that... that you would want a familiar place to stay," He whispered, smelling the booze that wafted off of Edward's breath, pratically tasting it with each inhale. "Thought that you would want to stay at my place than at some hotel..." The house was nice, rich and obviously lavish. For the leader of the country.

He sat foward, pressing his chest against the blonds.

"But you're married," it sounded accusing like; Why the hell did you go and do that for? To prove a point?

Edward was unable to touch the other with the man reminding him he was married every two seconds. He pulled back away from Roy after a moment, eyeing the dark living room, before moving around the house, taking in each lavish furnishing. He crossed his arms over his chest, agitated, able to have moments where he wanted Roy so badly he didn't think about Winry, but then guilt came rushing back, before he rationalized that this was okay because some part of him_ loved_ Roy - had always loved him - and he didn't love Winry in that same way. He breathed heavily as he ran his fingers along the couch, voice restricted and tight with emotion, disturbed morally, helpless and vulnerable and distraught.

"Bullshit." Edward whispered softly, "You know this place isn't familiar to me at all."

Roy shrugged his shoulders.

"I am not drunk enough to think that I would be willing to risk sleeping with a married man. Imagine the scandal," Although even as he said that, he was walking forward, pinning Edward against the fireplace, hands splayed on either side of the blond.

Edward breathed heavily, not looking up at the other for a long moment, wanting Roy so badly it hurt. He felt the electricity sparking, the air practically humming. The level of intense want and desire had never happened like this between him and Winry. It was only when he was near Roy that he felt his body thrum with excitement, betraying him.

He finally tilted his head back, rolling it along the brick of the fireplace as he peered up into those dark eyes and felt like he was being consumed, barely able to breath with Roy's lips that close to his.

"I hate what you do to me." Edward managed after a moment, voice constricted and deep with ill concealed lust lining his tone.

"I hate that you left me for her," Roy whispered, nose ghosting back to Edward's ear, breath hot against the blond. He could hear the blond's panting, like a jet engine in his ear. His hands tightened around the other smaller man. "Hate that you left me alone."

Edward flinched a bit from the other, fingertips grating into the mantleplace, "You wanted me to go, you wanted me to leave." He accused, almost like he was trying to win an argument against himself for why he had married her in the first place when all he had wanted was this man before him, "You said we couldn't-"

Edward had settled. Settled down somewhere far away, far away from who he was, what he wanted.

Little shivers of pleasure danced across his spine at the insinuation in Roy's dark voice. Just Roy occupying space within three feet of him was enough to have Edward short of breath. His hands grabbed the other's arms, shoving him back. Roy grappled against him, catching him and shoving him roughly back against the wall, his back slamming and a soft 'humph' of air getting forced out of his lungs at the contact, pinned. Their heads were pressed together, foreheads shaking. It was making him physically ill, being this close to the other, wanting to touch him.

"You _left_." Roy accused darkly, "Left the damn country, and never came back."

The hurt in his voice was new, Edward didn't know what to say to it.

"Fuck- Roy, What was I supposed to do? I couldn't just _stay._ Not after everything-" Edward tried to explain, reduced to pleading, like normal. Roy didn't have to try very hard tonight to make Edward reduced to a pinning teenager.

Roy was unsure the of the moment when he decided to completely defile and desecrate Edward's marriage. Probably the moment that Edward had asked him to hold him, all soft and arms wrapped around his vital organs as if the life he had been living in Risembool was slowly gutting him from the inside out and he only had a few more minutes left.

"When was the last time you felt like this?" Roy breathed, "When was the last time that you were so needy? Have you ever?" He pressed his nose against Edward's cheek, teeth gently clenching against his earlobe. "Ever felt like this?"

He hadn't. He had only ever felt this way once before, in Roy's office, a hair's breath away from the other's lips, arguing. They had been arguing, screaming at each other. It had been the first time that Roy had ever really lost his cool around him and Edward had seen all the power and the emotion in the man's face and had felt his anger give way to a kind of deep thrumming curiosity. He had wanted to kiss him, needed to kiss him. He had leaned in to do it, but the man had grabbed him violently by the jacket and flung him away. All but flat out rejected him. Sent him out of the room and effectively slammed that door shut.

But no, Roy was right and he knew it. No one else had been able to play his body like this.

His fingertips moved from where they had been glued like vices designed to keep Roy a foot away from him, yet keep him a foot close. They instead grappled at the lapels of Roy's coat, feeling the slick wet feeling of the rain outside, his body was tense, each breath tight and coiled as it was ripped in and out, cheeks red and flushed from alcohol and his pounding heart.

"I-" Edward managed, shuddering at the feeling of the other's lips near his cheek. He rolled his forehead along the other, reeling. His fingers clenched and unclenched the folds of the man's coat, indecisive, before he gave a small defeated noise and let go, leaning back against the brick. His grip tightened and he licked the column of Roy's pale neck that was exposed before him, unable to stop himself.

Roy gave a sharp, shuddering hiss that cracked his teeth open like a volcanic vent. His lips parted and he shoved Edward upwards, grappling the blond's legs so that they were splayed, rested around his waist, and he was kissing him. His lips pressing down hard and powerful as they took and claimed and consumed.

Edward gave a loud noise, back slamming up against the wall but he paid no mind. His sole focus was on his tormentor who, in the darkness, looked like a dark shadow with the odd slice of moon-like white skin. Edward clung to the other desperately, teeth and tongue battling with the man as he writhed, unable to stand wanting the other so much. Nothing between them had ever been boring or easy, everything was a battle and they were men, they were rough and hard and passionate. There was a mutual understanding that nothing that happened tonight was to be ever spoken about again. It was their world, their moment to have, and tomorrow it would mean nothing, only acknowledged between the two of them, never to be retold for anyone else to know.

"_Shit- Please-_" He almost prayed in a needy order, lips bruised as he sucked at the hollow of Roy's neck. They grappled with each other as Roy pressed his body along his, grinding his pelvis against the other's hip, stars bursting behind his eyes.

Roy gave a husky moan, expertly meeting the pelvic thrusts, biting down and marking, claiming and owning the expanse of tanned flesh. "Please... _what?_"

Edward rolled his head back against the cold brick as the other's slow teasing dry humping was enough to drive him crazy. He was almost in _pain_ and Roy was doing nothing but teasing him to relieve him.

"You fucking did this to me." He growled, moving his head to look the other in the face, he leaned close until his lips were pressed like a feather against the other's, both of their breathing uneven with lust. "You better finish it."

"Finish_ what?_" Roy growled.

Edward bit the other's lip slowly watching as Roy's pupils nearly swallowed his irises. He gave out a ragged breath as he pressed his hips into the other harder, more meaningful than the previous artless frantic grinding and he said what he knew Roy wanted him to admit to him, wanted him to say. Wanted him to admit that this whole thing was his idea, that his infidelity was completely and totally his fault and he knew it. Edward was to the point where he didn't care. He wanted to be held, he wanted tonight.

"Fuck me." Edward ordered huskily, only thinking for a half-second before tacking on the sarcastic, "_Sir_."

Roy's lips quirked upwards, making his face light up as a sinister smirk grew across his face. He looked at Edward, at his kiss bruised lips, tousled hair, at the way that he never seemed to be able to say the word _'sir'_, even now, without underlying mutiny. His hands traced down, touching the blond's chest down to his pants and quickly popped the button open.

"Now." Edward intoned petulantly, writhing out of his shirt, "I need you _now_." Impatient as always, not even willing to move to a bedroom as he made quick work of Roy's jacket. He tugged the man's undershirt out from where it was tucked into pants, fingers moving underneath to splay against the man's lower stomach before moving lower towards his groin.

Roy gave a light chuckle, stopping the hand and moving away from Edward.

"Strip," He ordered.

Edward shivered, whimpering instantly at the loss of the other, his body instantly bucking after him before the command registered in his dim mind and he obeyed. His fingers undoing his belt slowly.

It was different than anyone he had ever been with before. He didn't feel awkward, or afraid. He had no sense of propriety over whether Roy would like his body or not. Instead he got rid of his last garment, and stood, completely naked before the other.

He paused for only a second, twisting the small gold band off of his finger and let it drop down as well.

"Your turn." He told the other.

Roy gave a small panting laugh, gently undoing each button slowly as the shirt fell back, revealing his soft white skin. Watching Edward undress himself had driven him insane, it was something he had only thought about but never imagined would actually happen. There was a pink scar around where Edward's true flesh right art had been alchemically sewn back into his skin. He was amazingly tan and fit, a light dusting of freckles across broad shoulders. The boots had been left at the door, and he undid the catch of the pants, allowing them to fall with his boxers so he was just as naked as Edward, walking closer and closer until he was pressed along the blond, skin on skin. His pale white against Edward's golden bronze.

Roy reached down, enveloping both of their lengths with one hand and gave a few lazy strokes.

"_Fuck_... Yes..." Edward moaned softly, rolling his head along the other's neck as he rocked himself forward into the other's hand. Roy was biting into his collarbone, his breath loud against his neck. Gold eyes fluttered shut as Roy continued his maddeningly slow pace, his hand quickly slick with pre-cum. Winry had given him hand jobs before, but they had always felt like a chore. The feeling of Roy's hard-on, hot and heavy against his, was enough to make all his muscles tense up, his heart pound.

Roy's other hand was suddenly grabbing his ass, kneading it in time as his strokes grew faster.

"More." Edward had wanted to sound commanding, but the word came out a whisper.

Roy's breathing was uneven, his pace grew wild. Edward could feel the orgasm coming.

"Roy- I can't-" His breath hitched in warning before suddenly Roy's hand withdrew, leaving him dizzy and his body screaming in complaint.

"_Fuck_, Ed. What are we doing?" Roy managed out after a long moment, obviously also recovering from a near-orgasm. His forehead pressed tight against his. Edward opened his eyes again to lock gaze with Mustang's dark conflicted gaze.

_Each other,_ Edward thought, unable to think much at all currently, hormones rampant. He knew Roy was attempting to give him an out. To walk away now. But they had already taken this journey too far.

His glowing eyes narrowed determinedly and he gave Roy a searing, demanding kiss. He felt Roy's resolve crumble around him and suddenly Roy had him spun around, pressed up against the wall ass out. The preparation was quick, frantic, almost like they were about to be caught at any second. Edward had never been with a man before, but all nervousness had faded as Roy's fingers quickly found his prostate, his other hand stroking him in time, and he found himself dissolving, moaning.

Suddenly Roy roughly spun him around to face him, strong arms pushing him into the brick. There was a murmur, a warning, an almost uncharacteristically gentle kiss on his cheek, and Roy's hand on his hip, before Roy was suddenly and insistently thrusting impossibly into him.

He couldn't breath, eyes closing in almost pain as he clung to the other, automail leg glinting in the dark light, wrapped around Roy's pale slim waist. His right palm pressed against the wall to brace himself as all of Roy's weight filled him in one swift movement.

"Shit-" Roy managed out articulately, his whole body shaking with the effort of staying still long enough for Edward to adjust, but the brat was already grinding, angling deeper until he was encased to the hilt. Roy should have know Edward's pain tolerance was ridiculous.

"Move." Edward growled.

"_Fine._" Roy couldn't help but like to be ordered. Especially if it was this order. He pulled himself all the way out, Ed giving a pleased hiss, before slamming back into him.

"Yes- More-"

It wasn't a gentle affair. Thrusting into him, claiming him, Roy pushed farther and farther into the blond. Not starting slow, but at a violent and desperate pace. He laid kisses on his shoulder, bite marks that littered a tan, heaving chest. His nose bumped against the blond's cheek as they touched each other as if this would be the final and only time they could ever be together like this, because it probably was. Edward's hair was tangled against the wood in the wall and he gave a loud groan each time they collided, his head lolling back and his fingers scrabbling to hold onto any part of the other he could grab.

"R-Roy-" Edward choked, meeting the other's movement.

After what felt like ages of burning up slowly, Roy suddenly had Ed's length in his palm, stroking it in time. It was nearly too much. All coherency was lost. Ed knew he wasn't going to last much longer.

"I'm close-" He breathed. The admission made Roy give an animalistic noise, his pace breaking unevenly, angling as he hit harder, deeper, hand tightening.

"I can't- I'm-" He fell into sharp shouts and fingernails scraping down Roy's defined back. His muscles coiled, heat rushing through him, pleasure washing through him like a tsunami.

Edward barely clung on, unable to hardly stand any longer with the other slamming him up against the wall and he gave a yell as the other pounded onto his prostate and he felt his stomach clench and an explosion of ecstasy leave him helpless. He orgasmed hard, jerking and crying Roy's name, vaguely aware of the other following suite after four artless vicious thrusts.

It was only afterwards with hitched breathes and soft residual presses that Edward started to realize what he had just done.

"Fuck." Edward groaned, hoarsely, swallowing several times as he leaned against the wall for support, leg's unstable and shaky. It had been good, the best sex he had ever had, and he knew now that he had had it he was going to crave it. Not just good, unbelievable. Fuck he shouldn't have done this. He had just put a final nail in his coffin. He would never be able to even pleasure himself now anymore without thinking of Roy grating him against this wall.

The blond rested his head heavily on the other's shoulder, unable to catch his breath, his muscles and body still spasming with the after affects of that orgasm, the shudders wracking through his system making him moan softly in pleasure. He had never peaked like that before, so hard and blissful like that all at once.

He had often wondered what it would be like to have Roy in his bed, to have those hands wandering along his body and all that heat pressed against him.

It felt almost in a dream as he was pressed against soft sheets, eyes drooping almost instantly, exhausted and inhibited by alcohol. He simply spun slightly, slinking under the covers without a single word of protest and tucked his head underneath Roy's chin, pressing along the other like he was made to fit there. It was almost instantly that he fell asleep, puffing even content breathes along the other's chest, exposed and trusting of the other despite not having even seen this man in five years.

The bite marks Roy had inflicted were angry red, scattered across his skin in the moonlight of Roy's bedroom, evidence. Scratches along his back where they had undulated against each other like dogs in heat downstairs moments before. Dark bruises from injuries inflicted to him long before he had come to Central. All his sinew and muscles that had been twisted and flexed in release were warm and gooey, pliable against the sheets and the other.

Tomorrow he would be gone, and he probably wouldn't be coming back. Roy mused over this as he watched the man sleep, all sprawled and perfect. They were perfect- could have been perfect, together. He drew in a ragged breath as his hands ghosted a few centimeters away from Edward's body, afraid to touch him, afraid this wasn't real, knowing it wasn't. He was content, however, to pretend just for tonight that they were together. That tomorrow he might come home from work and find Edward reading in his study, knowing it was a fantasy. If the press learned about this his career would be in shambles, if Winry found out Edward's marriage would be shattered - although it probably was already. Either way this wouldn't work.

He allowed his fingers to press into Ed's gold mane, pressing his nose down into it and smelling him, committing it to memory. He ran his hands up and down Edward's flesh arm and shoulder, placing a soft kiss on the other's eyelids before falling back against the bed, unable to sleep, having to document this moment in great detail because Edward would vanish again and this time Roy know down in his heart, he wouldn't be coming back. All he could do was hold the man for tonight and hope that somehow, someday Edward might be able to be happy.


End file.
